What Am I Worth?

One of the easiest things for a man to doubt, forget or simply not believe at all sometimes is his own worth.  In today's popular culture, the role of men and particularly husbands and fathers is either obscured (Moms and Dads are interchangeable), minimized (who needs men at all?) or reduced to useful idiot. Whether in sitcoms or commercials, Dad is the one we pity for his lack of a clue.

One example was an editorial I read last week in the New Jersey Star-Ledger.  It wound up being the subject of a scathing e-mail to the Editor on my part.  The editorial spoke of two mishaps involving Dads...or I should say one involving a Dad and the other involving a babysitter's boyfriend.  The author, left nameless by the paper, went on to imply that all Dads are like that, leaving Moms rolling their eyes at us helpless, brainless y-chromosome burdened individuals, and then told us Dads we should be grateful we even have a day and accept the funky gifts with grace.

My letter to the Editor, not published on the website as far as I can tell, asked if we should base our opinions of Moms on the actions of such gems as the mother who killed her four kids a couple weeks ago in Florida, firing 18 times, at least once at point blank range, and finally turning the gun upon herself.  Another response on the website brought up the "tanning mom" as an example.

That said, there are times when we husbands and Dads doubt our worth, especially if we fall outside the positive stereotypes of what a Dad should be - strong, good providers, etc.  Yeah, I'm definitely outside the norm.  I'm the primary care provider during the day, employed part-time at night.  I'm responsible for the laundry, cooking, cleaning, diaper changing and other things the TV would tell you never, EVER to let Dad do.  And guess what?  I'm not half bad at it.

Still, I often dream of being the big income earner and maybe adding about 3-4 inches to my arm circumference.  Hauling freight nights has maybe put me a quarter inch closer to the latter goal, and Lord knows I have enough business start up ideas I'd have to fail miserably and quickly to run out of attempts to make at the former.  Not having the start up funds or the organizational skills also hinders me as far as getting started, but that's probably its own post.

I was talking to my loving wife Judy about some of these doubts the other night, and she shared with me the economic value of all the things I do.  I'm not just a guy who stays home idly.  In terms of professional classifications, I have been at various times a chef, chauffeur, nurse, gardener/landscaper, cleaning man (male equivalent to a maid for lack of a better term), plumber, drill sergeant (trust me) and many other things.  If I had the ability to get hired as all those things, I would definitely be worth well into six figures.  But when one considers all the things we're not spending money on because I'm basically the stay at home parent, there is a great deal of economic value to what I do.

Am I perfect at all those things?  No way.  My wife and kids could all vouch for that and could probably give you (as they have often given me) a laundry list of grievances with how I do the job.  But if I were not doing those things, they would be in a woeful state trying to pick up the slack left behind by my absence.  I may forget these things at times, especially in the face of sometimes ill-informed, rash criticism and cultural biases, but they are true nonetheless.

Judy, thanks for the reminder.  And to myself, let's finish tackling that laundry, shall we?

Introductions

Since this is the first post on my blog, I should start out with a little about who I am and what's important to me, in the event I get readers who don't actually know me personally.

First things first, I am a Catholic man.  All else that is important to me comes from my deeply held beliefs about God and my fellow man.  I love Jesus, and I love Holy Mother Church.  I am horribly imperfect, which is why I need the Church, to keep me accountable.  The Church, whether the clergy or laity, is composed of imperfect people trying to live and understand God's perfect truths as revealed by the Holy Spirit.  The teachings are infallible, but the people and their understanding of it is fallible.  I want to keep learning and living what I learn.

I am a husband and a Dad.  My marriage and all the kids in my blended family mean the world to me.  The family is the foundation of society, ordained by God to reflect His love.  Beyond being where you hang your hat, home is the sovereign domain of the family.  The family is in many ways a religious, economic, political, legal and dare I say even a military unit.  Parents are meant to be the primary educators of their children, with whatever institution they choose (public schools, private schools, homeschooling) being instruments to be used toward that goal.  Children will learn from how they observe their parents living, and will live what they have learned.  The home is a domestic church.  If a strong faith life is not taught in the home, one cannot expect the Sunday homily at Mass and a weekly catechism class to make up for it.  Faith is taught through words, while love is taught by action.  The family has a vested interest in providing for children's needs, while teaching them the skills to provide for themselves and others in need as they grow.  Home is where ideas of structure and rules are first taught.  Once again, if the family fails in that regard, society suffers in the long run, and no government agency can ever adequately substitute for that.  And from the point of view of teaching discipline, toughening kids up to face the outside world (those with older siblings understand that) and sticking up for each other (my dearly departed Mom was the mama grizzly long before anyone ever heard of Sarah Palin), the family has the potential to be the ultimate defense force.

I am a musician.  My degree is in vocal performance, and I also play guitar.  My abilities are used in Church, in my classic rock cover band, Liquid Garden, in composing original music, in teaching lessons and just in good fun.  I hope to have a lot to share in the near future, and I hope you enjoy it.

Those who know me know I am incredibly opinionated when it comes to politics.  And yet, I don't consider myself stubbornly opinionated, as I am always reevaluating my political beliefs.  A few things that have never changed about me - I am uncompromisingly pro-life, support low taxes, and believe in a strong national defense.  A few things that have evolved over time - I am a part of the Tenther movement (contributing blogger for New Jersey and national Tenth Amendment Center), believe our current interventionist policy is actually weakening our defense, and think that the vast majority of good ideas, despite being good ideas, are up to individuals, communities and states to implement.  My combination of socially conservative and libertarian beliefs, often considered incompatible by social conservatives in the Republican Party and Libertarians (note the capital "l" to indicate party involvement), found a home in the Tenther movement.  I enjoy a good debate, and can get pretty passionate at times, and yet I feel I can be friends with people who disagree with me just as passionately.

I consider myself an environmentalist, green and crunchy, but with a private sector twist.  To the greatest extend possible, I reuse, avoid unnecessary chemicals and generally try to conserve.  My wife Judy and I are very interested in gardening.  We will be keeping chickens in the near future.  While government bureaucracies, politicians and celebrities lecture us about carbon footprints, I'm the guy getting honked at in this incredibly liberal blue state of New Jersey for driving the speed limit.  Up until our little ones started developing rashes despite our best attempts to remove residue, we cloth diapered.  We pass down clothes until they are unwearable or need to be donated because they've been outgrown.  We practice the Billings Method of Natural Family Planning - no wrappers to throw away, no hormones being peed into the water supply.

I am trying, albeit with much struggle, to develop and maintain healthy eating habits.  I make sauces and soups (even the stock) from scratch.  Judy and I grind grain to make our own bread.  We'll be growing our own organic produce, hopefully enough to get us most of the way through the winter.  I am interested in herbal medicine, although I am not a licensed practitioner, so I will not be giving any advice.  And I am forever in the quest to find a legitimately good muscle/strength building plan for the hard gainer.

By day I am a stay home Dad, or as I prefer, househusband.  I am NOT a Mr. Mom.  Moms and Dads, while equal in God's eyes and under the law, are not the same.  By night, I work as a freight rep.

While I don't subscribe to the Occupy Movement's hatred of corporations, I worry about a select few squeezing out the competition from small businesses, not necessarily through superior products and pricing, but through cronyism.  I try to find businesses in my area that I like, and hope to share about them as much as possible.  I have a few business ideas I'd like to develop eventually, mainly in the areas of music production and performance, home brewing and candy making.  Judy has a few ideas of her own that, if we ever managed to develop a business plan, could be a great assortment of micro-businesses under one sort of umbrella.

I'd say that's enough of an introduction for now.  If you're reading this, God bless, and thanks for reading!