So I mentioned turning 40, which happened this past weekend. I spent most of age 39 feeling old, underaccomplished, past the prime I never had professionally or physically, and just the general kind of lost feeling that one normally associates with someone half my age who's "finding himself." Still, I was determined to enjoy the weekend and be positive. It was a great weekend, seeing family again, eating some great food (including a grilled breakfast I cobbled together from various food blogs), lots of swimming and of course, music! I came out of it refreshed and honestly feeling younger than I have in a long time. I went into yesterday feeling a high that was increased by knowing I've had an influence on the next generation of music. My head was overflowing with inspiration...until I got home from work filled with song ideas and blog ideas, but lost them in the process of looking for the laptop. I passed out from exhaustion and woke up feeling somewhat defeated, but this is not where I'll be forever. This is only a feeling that will be overcome by time and dedication to my creative endeavors.
That said, back to the title. I've often heard of people having a list of things to do before they die or "kick the bucket," eventually being shortened to "bucket list." I like the idea of having a definite list of things to accomplish, experience, enjoy or whatever in one's lifetime, but the term "bucket list" just seems so morbid and somewhat stressful. It's like you're racing against the clock with death running up behind you, ever so slowly gaining ground, occupying your thoughts so you can't truly enjoy the things on your "bucket list." I have, for a long time, wanted to come up with a more positive, life affirming term for such a list. On the way home Sunday, it occurred to me. Rather than a mad dash to do things before kicking the bucket, the focus should be on knowing there is always a reason, often many reasons, to keep living. Think of it as being at an amusement park, and knowing you're not leaving until you get to go on certain rides. So it is with life; we're not leaving until certain things are done. I call it the "keep living until" or "KLU" list.
If you're interested in knowing a few of the things on my KLU list (still in progress), I'll be happy to share a few, along with the reasons why. If not, well, don't bother reading the rest of this, because that's where the main focus is going to be. I don't have a particular order of importance, but more of an "as they come to me" randomness:
1) Go on a missionary trip. As a Catholic, I can say most religions are kicking our butts in this area, and it shows. If the trend continues unchecked, my grandchildren yet unborn will see Latin America have more Protestants or even atheists than Catholics.
2) Go on a honeymoon. When Judy and I were married, we didn't go away anywhere. Having married in February, and with her being a teacher, we couldn't take a whole week. She was pregnant by springtime, and with
3) Take a dance class. I've done theatre, been in a band, and I really think dance would help me overcome a lot of my severe lack of coordination and stage presence, not to mention build strength and endurance. In addition to that, literally all but my two youngest (5 & 3) have taken something, including Judy and my brother Joe. I kinda feel like the illiterate guy whenever there's a recital of any sort, or the guy who has little more to say than, "Hey! That was good!" I'd like to have a little more to offer to the conversation.
4) Take a few intensive theatre classes. Again, the whole stage presence thing. I have no time for acting now, but I definitely plan to get back onstage one day. I want to be at my best when the time comes. I also had to miss a trip with the International Thespian Society after high school graduation, and summer theatre was cancelled the one year I had planned to do it. Always better late than never. I might make an actor out of myself yet.
5) Record and stage a musical. I have one I've written, as well as a few other ideas to develop. I ache to hear voices other than my own singing the songs and see them onstage performing my works. I want nothing to do with the directing, though. Maybe meet with someone, discuss over coffee, and let him or her have a crack at it.
6) Plan an event by myself. In my four decades ex utero, I have never done the planning for anything. I've occasionally contributed an idea or two, but never really thought it all through. When I think of the things people I love have put together for other people I love, that doesn't seem fair. It also seems lazy and a little behind the curve for someone my age, so I need to put something together. Even if it's just a bunch of people getting together in the city and figuring out times, places, what's going on that day, I really think it's time I did that. To my LI and NJ fellas, all day guys' day in the city? Who's up for it? I haven't had some good male bonding in a while! If I can't get that done, even a "getting out there myself just because I want to" day would be cool.
7) A Christmas album. Yep, I need to do one. I wrote two original Christmas songs last December, and Judy is one of those full of Christmas spirit all year type people. Plus, the Christmas season needs some quality contributions from artists who aren't dead or senile yet, and there honestly hasn't been much of that. I figure a few more originals and some good covers and I have the potential to be pigeonholed like Johnny Mathis, who once said in an interview that he could be doing a show in the middle of July, and people would want to hear the Christmas songs.
8) Learn classical guitar. I may be a classically trained vocalist, but on guitar, I know one classical piece, and I don't remember the name or the composer. I'm more prog rock mixed with folk mixed with what I call "faux classical" style. I'd like to learn more genuine classical and incorporate that into my overall technique.
9) Get something legalized somewhere. In the "Garden" State, or at least in my town of South Plainfield, you can't grow vegetables in your front yard. You also can't buy raw milk anywhere in this state. Medicinal weed is legal, but growing its distant cousin hemp, which can be made into granola, protein powder, rope, clothing, yarn, soap, fuel, etc is not. Yet we can import it from Canada and China? There's a lot of crap government at all levels has no business telling us we can't do, so it should be easy to find something, somewhere I can help push to make us a little more free.
10) Bench press my weight. Hard to work toward as I have no bench, no barbells, and no budget for those two (freecycle perhaps), but it's one of those benchmarks (forgive the pun) of strength that, at an age where many men are declining, I'd like to prove I can reach. The day that I step on the scale, see my weight, and get on the bench and press that same amount or more will be a proud day for me.
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