Any year before now, I couldn't have possibly asked friends and family to imagine a world without me. The reason, up until recently, I'm not so sure I really, honestly saw value in myself. I certainly can't say I pictured Wantagh, Berkeley Heights or South Plainfield becoming Pottersville in a timeline without my existence, but I'd probably say more people have been affected positively than negatively from knowing me, and that might be a breakthrough for me. No wonder the musical creative juices have been flowing. It wouldn't be bubbling up with ideas if I didn't believe there was something worthwhile in the measures I've composed, and I'm very impatient to record it. I'm very uncomfortable with the concept of not existing, and to tie it in with the whole reason I asked others to picture life without me, not one child conceived yet waiting to be born deserves not to have that same chance I had. It will take more than laws, but that's part of it. It will take more than people offering alternatives, but that's part of it. It will take more than people in the industry saying, "I can't do this anymore," but that's part of it.
I learned I spend too much time Facebooking and Tweeting. It has its purposes, but I should cut down. In a way consistent with the mentality I've had since the Christmas season ended and the altars at churches were comparatively stripped down, back to basics. I learned I can get a heck of a lot of housework done when I'm not sharing a meme or reading the umpteenth article about why one party is good and the other party is bad and you're stupid if you don't agree. I can also pray all twenty decades of the Rosary between loads of dishes and laundry, and that's more likely to bring about miracles than even the most brilliant meme generators out there.
I learned, while following my workout routine, that I can now do thirty pushups. That's probably not a lot by any stretch of the imagination, but it's more than I could ever do before. To say at 39 that I can do more pushups now than when I was 20 is another way of saying the best is ahead. It's also a great feeling to have my wife put her hand on my arm, do a double take, squeeze my arm and give a look that says, "Wow!" I don't take any performance enhancers, but I think my ego got put on steroids after that.
I learned that in a two year old's mind, simply occupying space can be considered a high crime, punishable by shoving and an occasional head-butt. In addition, a four year old Aspie child's sense of morality is far superior to almost anyone out there. How many kids or even adults would respond to fairly regular torment by screaming out loud about said tormentor, "I love him so much!!!" Yep, my boy is getting started early on storing up heavenly treasure, fighting meanness with love. I could learn something from that.
I don't know if disappearing for a few days got anyone else to stop and think, but it got me to, and maybe that was the whole reason God let me run with that idea, that while urging others to find worth in all life, I could find it in my own. To all who followed this little exercise, I hope you know what you're worth. Whether you're family of mine, friends, people I've never met in person but who are Facebook friends or Twitter followers, someone browsing the blogosphere or an agent from Homeland Security spying on this devout Catholic, pro-life, Tenther, traditional marriage advocating guy, I hope you know how much you're worth in God's eyes. I hope you find that value in yourself, and then don't forget to see it in all others, born and unborn.
And with that said, Clarence, I wanna live again!
No comments:
Post a Comment